how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
