I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
