Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
