If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
