Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
