There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
