plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
