he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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