sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize