She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
