YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
