I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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