I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
