if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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