adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
