Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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