I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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