We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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