Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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