I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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