u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
