end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
