the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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