I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
