Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
