I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
