drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
