i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
