They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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