I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
