I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
