we have pet lesbian snakes
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
