Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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