how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
