Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize