i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
