You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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