so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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