Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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