If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
