Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
