i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
