Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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