How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
