I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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