she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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