So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
