just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
