and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
