i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
