I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
