I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
