A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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