I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
