So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
