i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Alive.
So much puke
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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