Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
