just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
