Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
