haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drunk is not a location!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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