um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
