Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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