Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
