someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
