I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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