i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
