yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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