at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
