He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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