It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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