this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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